ALL SAINTS CHURCH NEWPORT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SMILE LINES

Final farewell

An old clergyman lay dying. He sent a message for his accountant and his solicitor to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the clergyman held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
 
The minister grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the accountant and the solicitor were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the minister had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
 
Finally, the solicitor asked gently, "Why did you ask the two of us to come here?"
 
The old minister mustered all his strength, then said weakly, "Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and so that's how I want to go, too.”

Did Noah fish?

The Sunday school teacher asked his class: “Do you think Noah did a
lot of fishing when he was on the ark?'
'No,' replied one logical youngster. 'How could he, with just two worms?'

Observations on modern life

~ A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.

~ A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

A gross ignoramus: 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?

With Mothering Sunday on the way

A very dirty little boy came in from playing in the garden and asked his mother: ‘Who am I?’
Ready to play the game, she said, ‘I don’t know. Who are you?’
‘WOW!’cried the child. ‘Mrs Smith next door was right. She said I was so dirty that my own mother wouldn’t recognise me.’

Somewhere on this earth a woman is giving birth to a child every ten seconds. We must find this woman and stop her at once. (Sam Levenson)

A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of drink, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whisky, and two worms. "Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the teacher while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whisky. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the teacher asked. One little boy responded promptly: "Drink whisky and you won't get worms."

Here is the colouring picture From the July / August magazine. To print more, right click and select save picture as on to your computer, then print out as normal.

Why not colour the picture? right click the picture select save picture as, then print off from your own P.C. take the pic to Sunday school and name it.

 

Crossword answers for July 08 Magazine

Crossword answers for August 08 Magazine

>  A B C D E F G H I J 1 n s e e i s e e d s 2 o e j o v d l i o h 3 j r u o a m e o h h 4 i j e j e l i j a h 5 r e t e p n o m i s 6 j s n o m h a e m s 7 o u y m n t e a e s 8 h s r o r o j s r r 9 y d a v i d o r e h 10 e h m d e m j l j u

(B4, S) jesus (J9, W) herod (H4, SW) john (E4, E) elijah (I10, N) jeremiah (J5, W) simonpeter (B9, E) david (F10, NE) moses (E7, SW) noah (C10, N) mary

 

Word search answers for JuLY / AUGUST 08

 

What Psalm 23 is really all about

The Lord is my Shepherd --- THAT'S RELATIONSHIP!
I shall not want --- THAT'S SUPPLY!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures --- THAT'S REST!
He leadeth me beside still waters --- THAT'S REFRESHMENT!
He restoreth my soul --- THAT'S HEALING!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness --- THAT'S GUIDANCE!
For his name sake --- THAT'S PURPOSE!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death --- THAT'S TESTING!
I will fear no evil --- THAT'S PROTECTION!
For thou art with me --- THAT'S FAITHFULNESS!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me --- THAT'S DISCIPLINE!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies --- THAT'S HOPE!
Thou anointest my head with oil --- THAT'S CONSECRATION!
My cup runneth over --- THAT'S ABUNDANCE!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life --- THAT'S BLESSING!
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord --- THAT'S SECURITY!
Forever --- THAT'S ETERNITY!